mess mess mess!

Wahouuu.......My life is a mess...!

Yes a big mess... I always have problems... so sometimes I ask myself if in fact I am the problem...!!

But... as I turn this question up and down in my brain...in my mind... and found out...yeah... I think it's because of the country I live in and especially the city I live in...this city we call... Shanghai! this big octopus.... nerdy...

SO! My only answer is to LEAVE! (well I already planned to come back of course...got to run my BIZ...shit!)

So this Saturday, I'm leaving... I'm going back to France... to figure out where I am, where's my life... where I should go...
What I am in this world ... what I am looking for...Love? Money? Glory? Fame?Happiness? Don't know... anyway... I need a direction...
Everything seems so shitty... so messed up... so fucked up...so...so...so what??!!

I keep on making strange dreams... part dreams, part nightmares... killing peoples... running away... orgies... scary things...
My nights are definitely gonna exhaust me to death...

One day, I would like to stop everything and just do my own stuffs... you know... starting my book... continue my studies... actually I was thinking of being a Psy... I would like to understand people better... their behaviour... why they act like that and not like this... listen to their fears and their problems can help to face mine...I guess...
At least I can understand better the opposite sex... yeah... MEN!!
I never really understand them, even if I tried very hard...even if i was very comprehensive with them, and indulgent, and kind, and buddy-like, and cool, and stuff...yeah... you know what I mean! BUT, still, cannot read nor guess a small piece of their thoughts...
I am too love focused... I should let it go... I have to tell myself that real true amazing everlasting love does not exist... NOOOOOOOOOO........

So what the fuck I am on earth?? If it's not for love? LOVE!

Yeah ... come on Ling... Give me a BREAK...

Let's smile and forget about all that shit... tonight to have to party hard before leaving the F...ing country!


Sighhhhhhhhhhht

--
L.