Shanghai: LOVE and HATE
I don't know where to start, where to start this Odyssey, yes, i call it Odyssey, coz, it's like a long long journey, it's a big part of my life, it's this city, this fantastic and fascinating spider...
I came here 6 years ago, in 2000. i was 20 and full of dreams and excitement, so happy to leave France for the first time, not that i never travel abroad, but this time i knew it was different...i got the feeling it would change my life.
First time was weird...feel so far from what i was and what i use to experienced...
I was born in China, and I came in China 2 times before, still, it's not my home, it's not where i was comfortable...
even if i started to love this country, i was really confused...
everything is so different, but thanks god, my friends was there with me, and i felt useful coz i could speak some Chinese already, not good, but enough to be understood. so i helped the others...
i was really devoted...and it was beneficial to me, i improved my mandarin dramatically...
the first Christmas i spent in China, we had no holidays......., so we had a diner in a French restaurant with my classmates...it was a bit sad, we were tired, and i felt asleep during diner...so strange...my friends were a bit depressed........so was i...so far from home...
and then came the first Chinese new year with the long holidays...and i stayed again...it was hard, i was alone, living in the campus...only few student stayed there. So i spent my time with some African students, they were very nice to me, they cooked for everybody...also a French girl learning Kungfu, she was really strong and had a Korean boyfriend, i liked her, she didn't care about herself, she was cool.
I spent Chinese new year with my Japanese classmates...they are really crazy and strange people...nice...i remember Satoko, she acted like a robot, and watched everyday Luc Besson movie "taxi, she loved it...
it's very strange when i think about it...when you are all alone, you always try to create a kind of family coz when it's Christmas or Chinese new year, you badly need it!
And at this time it was my first Christmas without my family, i was sad, not to be with them...i missed them very much, but it was a step i need to cross, it helped me to grow up... and also coz even if i was with my family, i knew it wouldn't be better than what i had here with my university friends.
I can only remember bad Christmas or new year since i'm little...not that i'm pessimistic or what, but the truth is my family is a mess, my parents was fighting every time for bullshits... and it always ended badly...plus we never had presents...
So, this first year in Shanghai, i stayed, coz i wanted to be alone, without cries and tears...(in reality i cried...i'm a pussy i know it!)
I was really selfish...but in fact i was just hiding from my reality...
Shanghai, helped me to hide from my torments...or i though it helped me...
And there the illusion started...
I hate this city, coz of the pollution, coz of the people, the noise, the weather and so many other things..., it makes me crazy, and sad, and feels so lonely sometimes...
it's not an easy life we have here, stress and loneliness, insecurity and over time work, too much parties, too much alcohols and drugs can kill you...
but on the other hand, i just can't stay away too long, or i feel lost, i feel that i lost the wire of this evolving world... here take the actions, here are the changes and evolutions...bad or good...
i see it every day...since 6 years! this city changes it face more than you can imagine in 6 years!
this city is moving so fast...
i need to stay coz i need to follow it...
i like the madness, the alienation of this booming challenge, coz Shanghai is a challenge for me...
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